what day is it and did you see me today?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
