direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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