try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
