Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize