mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
