We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
