please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
wow bdsm is so cute
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
