I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
