you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
