At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
