If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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