I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
