They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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