I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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