Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
