I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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