Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
