"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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