YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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