i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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