While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
