Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I believe in your delicious
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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