Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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