Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
