I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize