I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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