I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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