Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
