the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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