I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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