the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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