? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
