she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
