Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
