My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We have started to decorate penises.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
