I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
