i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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