She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
