Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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