I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
