tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
