i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
that is very illegal...i love you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
