i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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