Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
