And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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