Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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