P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
