he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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