a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
