I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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