I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
