I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
