I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
