I saw his package. It spoke to me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize