It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
