Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
