VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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