Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
