Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize