Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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