I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
only if we run a train.
done.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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