Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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