I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We talked him into tasing himself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize