we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
