at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
